A TALE OF A PRINCE, THE KING, AND THE MASTER Page Two
On January 6, 1935, Sherlock Holmes’ second son was born, although the records were subsequently altered to provide a less revealing birthday — today, January 8th. Obviously, the child could not remain in England. Mrs. Simpson, aided by a relative of her late cousin Effie Hebron Munro, found an extremely poor woman in the States due to give birth at the same time as Wallis. For appropriate compensation, this woman and her husband agreed to tell their neighbors she expected twins and to pass Mrs. Simpson’s child as their own. Ironically, this woman’s own child Jesse died at birth, and Mrs. Simpson’s child was to become doubly dear to her. In early January, much as Merlin had brought the infant King Arthur from Tintagel to Sir Ector’s, so did Mycroft (with the aid of a nanny) bring his nephew to a small town in Mississippi, where the child was to be reared by this poverty-stricken couple — Gladys and Vernon Presley.
Yes, I submit to you that Elvis Presley is the Master's son, and his real mother was none other than the Duchess of Windsor — one Wallis Warfield Simpson. I sense your disbelief. But consider the facts. As the Master himself would say, every link in the chain rings true. The parallels between the two men’s lives are nothing short of extraordinary. They include:
Both are musically talented and play a stringed instrument. In fact, one of Elvis’ biographers wrote, “He'd turn inward and sit with his guitar for hours, shutting the world out.” Does this sound like anyone we know? Both enjoy the martial arts. Holmes is the only living practitioner of the long lost art of baritsu. And Elvis spent many hours studying karate and is adept at the art. Both had a problem with controlled substances. While the Master with the aid of Dr. Watson conquered his addiction, Elvis was less fortunate. Both had to struggle against an evil "colonel". As we all know, the Master triumphed over the nefarious Colonel Sebastian Moran. What you may not have known is that the Colonel had an illegitimate son, the result of a liaison with a Dutch woman named Marie van Kujik. Moran taught his son to hate Holmes, and he discovered Elvis’ true ancestry. As a result, Andreas Cornelius van Kujik entered the U.S. illegally and adopted the name Colonel Tom Parker, as a subtle homage to his father. He then proceeded to establish himself in the music industry, so that he could eventually gain control of Elvis and his career. The maneuver was successful beyond his wildest dreams. He had the dual pleasures of achieving great wealth and destroying the son of his father’s hated enemy. Both used aliases when necessary. We all know Altamont. Elvis used the name John Burrows (reminiscent, perhaps, of the alias John Robinson in the “Blue Carbuncle”). Both are marksmen. The “VR”at Baker Street is legendary; Elvis’ shooting was equally to the purpose — he shot a television set because Robert Goulet was performing—a singer Elvis detested as technically sound but emotionless (proof of Elvis’ sound musical judgment). Both also smoked pipes. Elvis’ favorite had the bowl carved in the shape of a lion’s head – the lion of England – indicating his British ancestry.  And one of Elvis’ first hits was "Hound Dog." Undoubtedly by then Elvis knew who his real father was and wished to recognize him through a musical reference to the Master’s most famous case. (This theory becomes even more plausible when we learn the basset hound in the publicity photos for the song was named Sherlock). And, of course, there is the matter of the letters in their names. In his classic biography of the Master, W.S. Baring-Gould used the "E-R-O-O-L-E" theory as one proof of Nero Wolfe’s parentage. Well, both "Elvis and "Sherlock" have an "E L" and both "Presley" and "Holmes" have an "L E". Both men’s first and last names also contain an "S". The "V" in "Elvis", of course, reflects the Vernet ancestry, and the similarity of the names "Elvis" and "Wallis" indicate that his mother, too, wished her role recognized.